1. What can I do if my child is being bullied?   (Elementary School Children – 6 and up)  

As parents, it is painful to discover that our child is being bullied. It's important to know, however, that we can do something about it!      

The first step is to confirm your suspicions as to whether your child is being bullied.  Despite the common notion that bullying is a problem mostly amongst boys, it is important to note that both boys and girls bully and are bullied.  Boys and girls, however, often vary in the ways they bully.  Bullying can take many forms, such as hitting or punching (physical bullying); teasing or name calling (verbal bullying); or spreading rumors to deprive a child of friends (emotional bullying).  Girls usually tend to inflict pain on a psychological level, while boys tend to be more physical.  

So what signs should you look for to tell if your child might be a victim of bullying?

Physical Signs:

1. Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical ailments.  These symptoms could be an attempt to get out of going to school, but they also could be very real.  

2. Prone to getting cuts, scrapes and bruises.  Most kids are likely to have a cut, scrape, or bruise every now and then, but if your child gets more than his or her fair share, you might want to look into why.  

3.  Experiences a loss of appetite.  The stress of worrying over a bully can lead to real physical symptoms.  

Social Signs:

1.  Loses interest in going to school.  This may be a sure sign that your child is a victim of bullying.  Children try to hide from the bully by staying in the safety of their own homes.  

2.  Grades suddenly drop, or your child does not seem to have many friends.  As most bullying occurs on school grounds, this can affect every aspect of a child's education, from grades to friendships.

3. Appears to be sad, depressed, anxious, lonely, and/or to have low self-esteem.   Bullying can have serious consequences on children. Children who are bullied have been shown to be more likely to display these kinds of emotional signs.  

* If your child shows any of these signs, it does not necessarily mean that he or she is being bullied.   It does indicate, however, that you should do some exploring as to why your child is displaying such signs!  

What can you do?
1.  Stay calm.  Finding out that your child is being bullied can make you angry.  Although it's understandable to be upset, be careful not to let your child see that.  Your sadness could be misinterpreted as disappointment in him or her.  

2.  Be supportive!   You can help reduce side effects by listening and offering to help your child. Be sure to validate your child's feelings instead of minimizing them.

3.  Don’t encourage fighting back.  Hitting another student is not likely to end the problem.  In fact, hitting back could get make things worse!  

4.  Contact your child’s teacher, principal, or other trusted school officials.  School personnel can all help to find a solution to the bullying.  
5. Do not contact the bully’s parents. This is usually a parent’s first response, but sometimes it makes matters worse.  If this is needed, school officials should contact the parents.

6.  Help your child to become more resilient to bullying.  By facilitating positive skills and talents, such as music, athletics, and arts, your child can become more confident, while making new friends.  

7.  Reassure your child that he or she isn't to blame. Explain that bullies often don't feel good about themselves.

The key to helping your child deal with bullying is to help him or her regain a sense of dignity and pride!  
References

2.  What can I do if my child is lying?  (Elementary School Children - 6 and up)
   
All children lie at one time or another. In many cases, this is a normal part of development. As such, don’t take it personally!  This doesn't mean, however, that you should allow or ignore this type of behavior. 

As children enter the school age years (6 and up), they begin to fully understand that lying is wrong.  When children reach this stage, parents should begin disciplining their children when they tell lies. Lying among children in this age group is not uncommon, and in fact, there are many reasons why children lie.  For instance, children may lie to avoid punishment or disapproval.  They also may lie to avoid doing something that they view as unpleasant.  Other reasons for lying include to protect others, and to get something that they want. 

How to Prevent Lying
1.  Be a good role model.  Children learn by watching their parents. You are their model for how to handle situations.  When you lie, you are teaching your child that it ok to lie.  As such, remember to tell the truth!   

2.  Discipline for lying.   Don’t just ignore the lies.  Make sure to give appropriate consequences for the lies.  These consequences should be discussed with your child beforehand.  Separate the punishment for lying from the punishment for whatever the lie was about. Also, make sure that when your child is honest about any misbehavior, he or she is rewarded for the honesty with a lesser punishment.  

3.  Encourage truthfulness.  Addressing lying early will help to prevent it from becoming a more serious problem. Parents should begin teaching their child the benefits of telling the truth early.  For example, telling the truth lets other people know that you can be trusted. Parents can also help prevent lying in their child by creating an open and honest environment in which the child feels safe to talk and tell the parent what’s going on.  

3. What can I do if my child is a bully? (Elementary School Children – 6 and up)

It is very upsetting and embarrassing to discover that your child is a bully.   Often, parents have no idea that their child is harassing other children. There are many things that you can do, however, to prevent future bullying behavior, and to make things safer for your child and all other children. 

Both boys and girls bully.  Bullying typically consists of direct behaviors such as teasing, taunting, threatening, and hitting. In addition to direct attacks, bullying may also be done through indirect means, such as by spreading rumors to deprive a child of friends.  In general, boys usually engage in more overt, physical methods, while girls engage in more covert, psychological methods. 

There are a lot of reasons why children bully. They may do it as a way of being popular, or to make themselves look cool or tough.  Some children may do it because they want to get attention, or to make other people afraid of them. Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying.  Still others may be a victim of bullying themselves.  Lastly, some may not even realize that what they are doing is wrong. 

If your child is bullying, stay calm.  There’s a lot that you can do to help correct the problem.  By talking to your child and seeking help, you can teach your child more appropriate ways of handling feelings, peer pressure, and conflicts.

Here are some ideas: 

1. Talk to your child and find out why he or she is bullying other children. Find     out how your child is feeling about himself or herself, and if your child is being     bullied by someone else.   Also check to see if his or her friends are joining in on     the bullying. 

2. Sometimes, children with disabilities intentionally bully other children. Other times, their behavior may be mistaken as bullying. Whether the behavior is intentional bullying or is mistaken as bullying, it still needs to be addressed. If your child with a disability is bullying, you may want to include bullying prevention goals in his or her Individualized Education Program (IEP).

3. Teach your child empathy.  Let your child know about the importance of feelings.  Try to understand your child’s feelings, and to help your child appreciate how others feel when they are bullied. Let your child know that everyone has feelings and that feelings matter.

4. Let your child know that this behavior is not okay.  Be clear with your child that you do not approve of bullying.  

5. Provide consistent discipline for bullying. Be specific and clear about what will happen if the bullying continues. Such consequences may include a face-to-face meeting with the child who is being bullied. 

6. Monitor yourself.  Remember, children learn so much about the world from their parents.  By providing and being an appropriate model for handling conflict, you can play a significant role in stopping the behavior. 

Remember, changing behavior takes time.  Be patient and consistent as your child learns new ways of handling feelings and conflict.